- Dating

How to Fall in Love Easily Again Without Appearing Desperate

Have you been so hurt in your relationships that you have sworn never to love again? Has your heart been broken and shattered by someone you trusted entirely?

I had suffered severely in the hands of one girl early in my search for true love. No sooner had we met, did she present to me a myriad of fake conditions that seemed pathetic. She tricked me into believing that she had a lot of family challenges ranging from her mother being bed-ridden in her village to her facing imminent eviction from her apartment by her land lady. I saw myself as a God-sent for her and I was doing all I possibly could to support her. I paid her house rent for an outright twelve months. I put food on her table. I covered her nakedness and I was constantly footing the medical bills for her sick mother. On the few occasions when the animal in me would rise to demand for sex from her, my conscience would tell me that it would look as if I was helping because of sex. I never deliberately hurt her for any reason. At a point, in spite of the challenges, I was then focusing on proposing to her.

But along the line, I started having pressure as my financial reserve was fast depleting. And to make matters worse, I was released from my job. I became jobless.

Unbelievably, as my girl got the wind of this, she started her tactical withdrawal plan. When the going was good, she used to come visiting practically unannounced with one problem or another. And I would go out of my way to provide a solution(s). But as at that time, she was then showing up at my house once in a blue moon with a range of excuses. I was washing clothes all day! I went to the market and I got so tired after, etc. She would not care about me anymore. I became a nonentity for her. I became an idiot for her. And eventually, she disappeared.

I was deeply depressed. And I fell into love comatose for good six months. When I ‘woke’ up from that coma, I decided that there was no way I was going to love again.

Surprisingly, statistics around the World show that I was not alone. A lot of men and women have been maltreated or mistreated in their relationships that they had sworn never to love again.

But what I have found is that no man is an island. It’s love that makes the World go round. I could imagine if it had worked out between two of us, how blissful that would have been – loving each other so dearly and experiencing the kind of relationships we had dreamed about together.

I had 3 key things I did to help myself come out of that pit of sorrow onto the limelight of love again.

 Forgive and Forget: I discovered that the only way to move forward in life and especially in relationships is to release myself and my ex by forgiving and forgetting. It was not easy I must confess, but I had to put in that deliberate effort to make it happen. And I can tell you that it was actually rewarding.

 Focus on Future Relationships: Yesterday was history and it is important that you focus on the present and the future. That experience helped me to learn a lot. It helped me to re-evaluate my values and set my relationship boundaries more appropriately.

 Focus on Your Passion: What are you good at? Or what do you want to be good at? This has a lot to do with self love. What is it that makes you happy. I re-discovered my passion, and that is helping people come out of their relationship challenges. I derive a lot of fun doing it!

Love is worth re-igniting irrespective of how many times you might have been disappointed and your heart broken. Open your eyes to see so you can fall in love again with the person worthy of your love.

About Grace Duffy

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