- Marriage

Let Me Just Tell You About My Wife

Even if my instincts tell me this might be a dumb thing to write on, I do believe God’s leading says otherwise. I don’t write this to give any impression of how great our marriage is, though in my opinion it is wonderful, but I do write it because I want it known.

There should be more people like my wife.

Why would I say such a thing? I say it for the pure reason that the world needs gentler and kind people who are solid enough in themselves to trust those who should be trusted in their lives with the fullest version of themselves. In this solidity of person that my wife bears in her personality, there is a gorgeous blend of gentleness with power that is made manifest in a quietly confident vulnerability. There is never a hint of coercion or force in my wife’s nature. She is characterised by gentleness, kindness, patience, and grace.

Why is such a personality trait so important?

We need more people in the world who are well sophisticated in their groundedness. When we married, my wife was already such a grounded person, and if I’m honest, that threw me into a tailspin because I wasn’t prepared for such a secure woman. At that time, I was still too insecure in myself. Sure, there have been seasons in our marriage where my wife’s sense of security has been sorely tested; times when she has become incredibly frustrated. But as a function of me getting my act more into gear, my wife has been freer to become more herself – that self that arrived at marriage.

In marriage, the self is tested,

and the self can only be won back

when our partner lets us be ourselves.

I guess that took me years to understand. How important it was for my wife to feel perfectly free to be herself.

But back to my wife…

My wife is so faithful that I often pinch myself as to how much God has put His nature into her. I think a good many wives, not to mention husbands, bear this faithfulness. Sometimes we don’t praise our partners enough for their faithfulness. My wife is about as faithful as any mortal could be.

Whenever I’ve had a strong focus devotionally on identifying and stripping idols from my life, I have generally asked my wife why she doesn’t seem to have many, if any. She is quick to remind me that she has idols alright. But, for me, they seem hard to identify, even from my vantage point as her marriage partner.

The very fact that she stresses that she is imperfect

makes her seem all the more perfect.

My wife is more a thinker than a feeler, but she gets emotional at all the right times, especially as she expresses her passion for things of the Kingdom as they are evident through relationships. Whereas I am more a feeler than a thinker I find it harder than she seems to make it to be authentically emotional for the right reasons at the right time. For me, that is a function of her pure love connection with and commitment to God. Whilst I might seem to invest more time in my relationship with the Lord, I think she has a better understanding of the Lord and a better submission.

I only need to look at my wife

to learn more about God.

The fact that God has linked me with this woman as my life partner is a testimony of His faithfulness to me. Like a good many men I suspect, I definitely married up.

My wife is still a mystery to me. I find myself becoming simply more curious about her and what makes her tick. I am captivated by her purity of heart, which is something I’ve always been able to learn from her, as I contrast my heart (which is a little bit more crooked) with hers for God.

She doesn’t treat me like a boy,

because she doesn’t want to be married to a child,

and she won’t be my mother.

I have to say that for most of our marriage – especially after the first three years, which were pretty average for the both of us – my wife has allowed me to be completely myself. I’m still amazed by the things I say and do that don’t upset her when I thought she would be upset. She will say something, but she doesn’t treat me like a boy, because she doesn’t want to be married to a child, and she won’t be my mother.

Maybe I paint my wife in tones that are just a little too precocious and a little too perfect. Possibly this is the case. I have just found the more thankful and grateful I am for my wife, the more God has shown me through her life.

My wife would be the first person to say that she is seriously flawed. And even though I tend to see everyone as a 10 out of 10, I am also given to judge people unfairly, where she never does. She always seems to have a fairer God perspective, and the years have counselled me to acknowledge my pride when she challenges my thinking. I’ve been saved so many times by her wisdom.

The frustrating thing about this article is I feel there’s so much more that could be said. But I also aim for brevity, so I’ll leave it at that.

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